My background, and why i'm having IVF.

Well, here goes.........


I'm going to start by telling you a bit about me, my background, why i'm having IVF and what it means to me. I aim to make this an informative blog, easy to understand and (if i can manage it) a truly honest account of what happens during the IVF process. 


So, who am I? 


My name is Jen, I am 29 years old and I live in Kent, in the UK. I have been married to my husband (31) for 6 years, and in a relationship with him for 13. We were childhood sweethearts <3 We both work full time. We have two gorgeous springer spaniels - Oscar and Lily, Lily is nearly 4 and is my angel, I love her more than anything in the world. Oscar is also nearly 4 and is blind, he suffered trauma in the womb and we rescued him from a family who had left him alone in a house for several weeks. He is the most beautiful boy and he is so happy! We also have Marley the chinchilla, a funky fun pet, full of antics! I love photography, nature and most things science. 


My background and why i'm having IVF!


Well, this is a long complicated one, but i shall try and simplify! 


At 20, (2002) after 3 years in a relationship with hubby I came off of birth control, and we figured, if it was meant to be id fall pregnant eventually. 
In 2005, aged 23, I fell pregnant :-) at which point a huge cyst was discovered weighing a massive 17kg! I lost the baby, and I also lost 12 inches from my (what i thought was just stubborn tummy fat) waist. I also lost my right fallopian tube at this time, due to the cyst. I got out of hospital 6 weeks before we got married - and half of my wedding guests didn't recognise me lol! We started really 'actively' trying from this point. 
2007 was the most rollercoaster year of my life so far. At the time, I had a springer spaniel called Poppy, she, like Lily was my world, my little girl. In Octomber 2007, I found out we were (7 weeks )pregnant again, needless to say we were thrilled! We were due to go on holiday a week later, and did so, we were so happy, on top of the world! 2 weeks later, our world collapsed. On return from holiday, my Poppy looked ill, very very ill. I took her to the vets the minute I saw her, and she died the next day due to a terrible cancer that had killed her from within - it was very aggressive and killed her quickly, she was 4 and a half years old. She died on Saturday 3rd November, and my world has never been the same since. On monday the 5th, we had a scan, to find nothing in my womb. I was beyond broken at this point - totally beyond it. I still can't really talk about tha time, which is why its helpful to type. I was sent home and told i'd miscarried. A week later I collapsed, I had been bleeding internally due to a ruptured ectopic pregnancy but my heart was broken, I didn't notice the pain. They operated and saved my left tube - as it was the only one, but damaged. 
In 2008, i suffered another early miscarriage - location unknown, baby number 3. 


At this point we went to my good old NHS doctor. 


We had test, after test, after test, for them to tell me what I already knew - I had scarring from the cyst, and one damaged tube. (honestly, i could have saved the NHS thousands! Its part of the process though) 
After a year of going back and forth, my consultant finally decided IVF was our only option. At this point, she decided to inform me that I weighed too much to be treated with NHS funding. To say the least, i was a bit miffed that she hadn't thought to mention this sooner. We ticked every box, except the BMI box. And I mean every box, no kids from any relationship, fertility issues, trying forever, employed, no criminal record etc etc. But, my BMI was 34, I had to lose over 3 stone. I had put on a lot of weight due to being miserable lol, so, I had to lose weight. Fair enough, I thought - anything I can do, and there was still the chance at this time i could conceive naturally - so, I started exercising like mad, eating nothing and trying naturally. During this time, I learnt pretty much everything there is to know about trying to conceive (TTC) and met some fabulous, gorgeous people along the way, who I couldn't have done without. I now have best friends all over the world, and I wouldn't be here without them. 


I hit my weight very early 2011, after lots of ups and downs, and she sent off the referral! I cried! And finally the letter came, we would start in May! 


Except April came, and my period was weird. So, I tested - could this be my miracle? I was pregnant! I had to have bloods done every 48 hours, to measure my levels, due to the large risk of ectopic. It started off ok, rising and nearly doubling, then it started doubling - I'll admit, I got excited.....could it be! Then the day of the scan came, I felt very very sick as i lay down on the table - could this be the day I saw our baby? The day we had been waiting for for 9 years? No, it wouldn't be the day. They couldn't see anything. I was broken once more. 
They operated, and took my second tube - I now have none and cannot conceive naturally. A month later, it got worse, my HCG levels weren't dropping. I had to have a ERPC/D&C to remove the twin. Two babies. And no tubes left. At 29 years old, with no babies. 


Sooooo!! I'm staying strong. I won't let this beat me. 


Today is August 11th, I am waiting to start my IVF cycle as soon as my period/AF arrives. 


I'm scared. I'm scared it won't work. I'm scared it will work. I'm scared of injections, egg retrieval, embryo transfer - I'm scared we won't get that far. And i'm scared i'll never be a Mummy, and that I will never make my husband a Daddy. I'm scared i've done something to deserve this, and I ask myself why. But, I won't be defeated, My mummy taught me that if you work hard you will achieve your dreams, and I believe her. 


I hope you choose to follow my journey, whatever the outcome.